


Calm as the storm brewing

by onefootintheboilinghotlava



Series: Malec Ficlet Collection [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Related, Canon-divergence?, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Malec promo, M/M, Post-S1, really just the what do you want from me line, though not all in accordance with the promo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 18:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8589472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onefootintheboilinghotlava/pseuds/onefootintheboilinghotlava
Summary: Somehow, from asking Magnus for help to find Jace, Alec found himself shouting to Magnus in the middle of his loft. And Alec got, not exactly what he was asking for, but what he needed nonetheless. Literally just inspired by that one line from the new promo for S2 'What do you want from you?' and it goes differently from there, kinda...





	

‘What do you want from me?’ Alec shouted.

 

‘At the moment? Nothing.’ Magnus only replied in contrasting calm.

 

‘So what WILL you want from me? I can’t keep up with everything that I need to do for everyone else. The least you could do is let me know what the hell do you want!’ Magnus’ calmness only fuelled Alec’s frustration of not having a thing figured out. 

 

‘Alexander, all I ever want from you is for you to be you. If there’s a chance you like me, or even in love with me, I’d be thrilled, delighted, honoured even. But that’s not something I WANT from you, it’s something I WISH for myself. Is it so hard to comprehend the very fact that I just want you as you are, just as who you are.’

 

‘Magnus…No no no…Yeah I have feelings for you but what does it mean when Jace’s still missing, Clary and Jocelyn are arguing all the time at the Institute, Simon doesn’t belong at the Institute or with the Clan…I can’t do this! I don’t know how to do this!’ Alec’s hands went messing further with his hair, without him even noticing, as he continued to pace in the middle of Magnus’ loft.

 

‘Alexander, first breathe.’ Magnus waited a second until Alec stopped pacing and could look into Magnus’ eyes before he continued.

 

‘It’s fine if you don’t think you can do this now. I could wait…we could wait until the war is over, if that’s what you need. But you gotta stop throwing all the baggages you carried from your parents to me. I am NOT your parents, NOT your siblings, NOT always asking for you to meet certain standard or do something for me or my sake. Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I will make it clear as day right now that I like you, your willingness to sacrifice for the ones you love, your courage to fight for them and the fact that you’d save someone like me from the moment we first met. You had me so intrigued that I still couldn’t believe you somehow came out to the shadowhunters who were there for your wedding with Lydia and kissed me right in front of everyone. I just want to spend time with you, get to know you and maybe you’d want to know me in return as well. I’m willing to protect you, give you chances to be happier in life, simply because I’m in love with you, I want and think that you deserve to have the best you can in your life. And if…somehow somewhere in your mind, being with me could make you a little happier, I’d be more than delighted.’ Magnus finally took a breath after finishing his rant, with Alec standing still.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus sighed, looking at Alec’s tense and stilled figure, thinking that he had said too much, that it wasn’t a right time for Alec to hear how he felt, but he refused to feel guilty about letting it all out. He had bottled it up for Alec for so long, that he just needed him to understand somehow.

 

What Magnus (well neither did Alec) did not expect was for Alec to slump onto the couch, curled himself against the cushions. Magnus sat down to see Alec, noticing Alec’s facial expression had turned to a complete defeat. After another beat of silence, Alec’s eyes started to rim, though no tear fell on his cheek, Magnus could feel Alec’s body shivering slightly. Magnus tentatively reached for Alec’s shoulder, as his body seemed to respond to Magnus’ touch with relief. It was also the moment tears started to roll down Alec’s cheeks. Magnus only hesitated a moment before embracing Alec, hoping that it was the right reaction. Gradually, Alec had turned into sobbing in Magnus’ arms, with Magnus holding him tighter with every sob he heard, heart broken to hear and watch Alec finally broken down against everything that was thrusted upon him.

 

It was a long while until Alec stopped shivering andhis sobbing had subsided. Just as Alec began to pull off from Magnus’ embrace, Magnus didn’t let go, he kept his chin on Alec’s shoulder and mouth close to Alec’s ear.

 

‘Tell me…’

 

‘Magnus…I can’t do it…I can’t save Jace…I can’t even find him…I can’t keep the Institute under the Lightwoods’ name…Mom wouldn’t even look me in the eye anymore and is already renouncing Jace…I can’t help hold up Izzy…I know we need Clary, Jocelyn, Luke and Simon around to help figure all this out…but they are too much…I don’t know them enough and they argue among themselves often enough…I can’t bear it, all the new tensions in the Institute… I just can’t do a thing for anyone, or for anything…even warmth and comfort I could feel in my heart when I’m around you, I couldn’t admit it to myself or to you out loud…’ Alec let himself melt against Magnus’ embrace after a beat of hesitancy, his body unwilling to decline the warmth that was offered to him.

 

‘Alexander…it’s not your fault. Valentine started all of this and you will find Jace. He is strong and you gotta trust in him to be strong enough to come back. Darling, there’s no denying we’re fighting a war and it’s chaos all around, but it’s not your fault, nor is it your job to figure everything out. Leave the Frays to have their own drama, there’ve been too many gaps among them, but they will see reasons to work together. Just take a breath, one at a time…’ Magnus continued to murmur against Alec’ ear until it seemed he had stopped sobbing.

 

Alec waited until he had his tears under control to utter his response, head still leaning on Magnus’ chest and looking down. 

 

‘You make it feel easier…occasionally. Mostly, you just make me feel so many different things that it just overwhelms me and I don’t know what to do with you or myself…Yet your words and presence comfort me at the same time…’

 

‘Take your time, Alexander. I told you I’d do anything for you, so…if there’s anything you need of me, just tell me. Trust me that I mean my every word to you, darling.’ Only then did Magnus leaned back comfortably on the couch, moving them into a more cuddly position.

 

‘Can I just…can we just stay like this for a while?’ Alec asked after they adjusted to the perfect position with each other.

 

‘Absolutely, darling.’ Magnus assured him, as he started cradle Alec’s skull with his hand, smoothing his hair along the way.

 

The two sat in silence, as night fell outside the window. Even though a storm was brewing outside, they found a moment of solace right here with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I know this ending kinda sucks...but I've been stuck for over three days and...I need to wrap this up before all muses of this are lost on me. Hope you still enjoyed it? *asks tentatively*


End file.
